“The time is always right to do what is right” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
If you’ve ever tried to leave a narcissist, you know what I’m talking about. If you are thinking about it, you need to read this and prepare yourself for a rough road ahead. The narcissist when they realize you have discarded them (or they have discarded you) and they cannot get anything else out of you, will seek to do anything to destroy you. This is not limited just to emotional abuse at a higher scale, it can be downright SCARY what people with no empathy or conscience are capable of.
I can only speak for myself, but the countless stories I have read about online show a very consistent pattern. They will make up horrible lies, meant to isolate you from your friends and family and anyone else who will listen. If you have children, beware as they will most certainly be used as pawns in their games. Nothing is off limits. If they catch you off guard and strike first, you are in dangerous territory.
My story began after a heated argument in which the narcissist ex and I were still living together. I was still naive enough to think we could come to a resolution to serve our daughter’s best interest and I was offering a very fair settlement where we would split our daughter’s time up equally and the assets as well. Considering he saved nothing, contributed nothing to our house, and worked only to feed his own hobbies, it was a very generous offer. However, to understand the narcissistic mind, know that nothing will ever be enough. When you left the narcissist, they lost what was most important. No, that was not you, as they have no ability to love and they never loved you in the first place. What they value the most is control. When you make the choice to leave, they lose their control over you, and will do anything to balance things back in their favor.
My ex recorded me during an argument that he provoked, then took it out of context to the police to tell them I threatened him. I was caught completely off guard when a few short days later, I was ARRESTED by the police and kicked out of my very own home. As much as I thought my ex was insane, I never ever thought any human who claimed a mere week ago to love me so much was capable of such callous evil. This was the turning point for me, when I started to realize what I was dealing with. He meant to make me lose custody of our child, even though he never cared about her previously, and wanted me to lose my job as well and virtually destroy my life.
At this point, you may be tempted to fight them back. This is where the title of my entry alludes to. No matter what someone does to you, resist the urge to fight dirty. My sister told me previously, no matter what someone does to you, never lose your humanity. It was something that has stuck with me throughout my entire ordeal. I decided that no matter what he threw at me, I would not lay down and be bullied, I would fight back, but I would never lose sight of who I am nor will I ever sacrifice my values.
Here’s where some foresight will come in handy. You must understand a person who has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) does not always think of the consequences of their actions. They act on impulse, with the goal being to hurt you for whatever they view you did to them. This can and will work in your favor. I would suggest if you are in the beginning of a divorce or leaving a person with NPD, GET OUT NOW. Find a safe place for you and your children, make sure you are not physically in their presence. You are vulnerable whenever you are around them if they see you as an enemy. If you are not physically in their presence, this limits what they can accuse you of. You do not ever want to learn the hard way what these people are capable of. It will frighten you that such evil can exist in someone who you once thought was your life partner and your ride or die. Try to have a record of every interaction (written is best) but carrying a small voice recorder may help you as well.
I don’t want to keep this post very long, but I will end off with another piece of hope. In my situation, my ex NPD partner eventually did some very serious missteps in the process of trying to destroy me. He tried to accuse me of child abuse, but the police saw right through it with his history of crying wolf. He tried to accuse me of kidnapping our child, which is seen in family law as someone who is trying to deny access as his claims were completely unwarranted. Please remove yourself from the situation before it gets dangerous for you. If you are married or have children, find a lawyer ASAP and begin an exit strategy. I cannot stress it enough, time is of the essence and you need to save yourself. The burden of proof in family law is shockingly low, which is in order to protect real victims but is taken advantage of by these soulless creatures. Do not tread lightly. What helps me everyday is reminding myself that most people are fundamentally good, and a person with NPD is the exception not the rule.
Have a blessed day,