“Divorcing a narcissist can be harder than being married to one.” -Unknown
This will likely be one of many posts on the topic as I am just in the beginning of the process. What a nightmare. I don’t think anything can prepare you for divorcing a narcissist. They are not logical or rational, and they do not care about the best interests of your children or anyone involved. They will not care if you offer them the most fair settlement, they only care about winning and anything that is in their path becomes contingent damage.
I started my process about 4 months ago when I decided the relationship dynamics were not working for me. I thought, well he’s a nice person to everyone else but he’s just plain mean to me. I figured he just took me for granted and I was not going to wait around to try to change someone or make them appreciate me. We had been down this path before and nothing ever changed, and I am not one to waste my time so I thought why waste each other’s time, let’s just separate while we can still be civil. Boy was I ever wrong. If only I knew what I was dealing with maybe I could have better prepared myself for the battle that I never anticipated. I offered him a very fair settlement. 50/50 on all the assets and parenting time, very fair since he had no savings and neglected his child for the last 2 years of her life.
The thing with narcissists is they don’t care what you think is fair. If you offered it, they don’t feel like they won. So the simple act of you offering will be an insult to them. My husband wanted to get sole just for the simple fact of wanting to hurt me through our child. Nothing is off limits, children are their pawns.
I tried to set a schedule up, and said he could alter it in any way that would fit his life. Nope, would not agree because he didn’t want me to “win”. The only one who loses with this is the child. In the months that have passed, we now live separate and our daughter still does not have a set schedule. Young children need a set routine as they have no concept of time and changing things around will create stress and anxiety in their developing brains. He picks her up from daycare on days he should not to force interaction indirectly with me and to show he is still in control. It is disgusting to say the least. Daycare approached me today to tell me my daughter is not her normal self since all this happened. Her daddy is sticking around at drop off to try to show he is a doting father and to prove her attachment to him, and the side effect here is my daughter is starting to have separation anxiety which she never had before. I am still in the midst of this and have no real advice to offer. I am so mad that anyone would treat their kids like this and cause unnecessary pain.
This post is more a vent to let other’s in the same situation know you are not alone. Other’s are suffering, and we understand all too well what you’re going through. Be a rock for your kids, they will need it. This too shall pass, and keep fighting the good fight. I am documenting everything with my lawyer. Family law is agonizing in it’s pace. If you are suffering as well, comment below. Let’s support each other. I plan to continue a series of posts on the divorce and family law process as I go and hope my experience can help someone else out along the way.
Stay strong ladies & gentlemen