Life is Suffering, even when you “win” you Lose

I had just finished writing a post about how life is suffering and no wins are true wins when dealing with a divorce with a narcissist. Then the post disappeared. Talk about irony of life.

I have just experienced a bittersweet victory in my journey. My ex 4 months ago filed false allegations against me in an attempt to gain an advantage in custody and divorce settlements. It was unexpected betrayal and when I learned what he was. I never thought he was capable of such evil but it goes to show you what people are truly capable of and how little you know a person even if you’ve been living with them for years.

I should be happy but I cannot help but think this should have never happened. The case against me was dismissed and it was concluded he was abusing the legal system, something I knew from the start but the speed of our legal system made me think he was going to get away with everything. In a way, he still did. I’m out thousands of dollars proving my innocence and he walks away scott free.

I am forever changed by this, I don’t think I will ever trust any one outside of family and friends I’ve known for years. Being the victim of true evil really changes one’s perspective. However, I don’t want it all to be for nothing and for it to make me a broken hateful person, otherwise the narc wins. I have immersed myself in self improvement and self care, which includes reading psychology books to try to learn more about myself, narcissists, and the nature of humanity and why we are driven to do evil to each other.

I’ve read the 12 Rules of Life by Jordan Peterson. In truth, I did not finish until two weeks ago. The first 9 rules gave me the courage to leave my ex. Then I finished the last 3 rules last week which included kindness, and this is where I stumbled upon the best life lesson I got from this experience. Life is suffering. We can only make it worse by trying to inflict suffering on other’s to alleviate our own suffering. Just because things are bad it does not mean it can’t get worse. It can get better if you don’t allow the suffering to make you bitter and cruel, and then capable of evil. This is what happened to my ex. I want to rise above the ashes of our relationship and be a better person. It takes strength to forgive, love and have empathy. Only the weak are cruel and attempt to create chaos to deal with that which they cannot deal with. Whenever you feel the urge for vengeance, remember to yourself their karma is they are who they are. You cannot change them, but you can work on yourself.

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